I've been told not to duck

Dear Reader, 
Curveballs are tricky.
You think they're going one way, and then they don't... because they do exactly what their title says they're going to do. 


In life, you're up at bat all the time.... and balls are flung at you moment by moment. 
I like to think that over the past month or so, I've been swinging strong at all the balls that come my way.
They've been straight shooters.
Pleasant surprises.
Easy to knock out of the park. 


But on occasion... as is the general way of life... there are a few balls that are thrown that knock you upside the head. 
Sometimes these knocks upside the head result in a happy ending... an ending that you like to retell. 
Other times, you wish you could skip over the instant replay and never remember it ever again. 


I had a small curveball thrown at me tonight. 
It was a marble sized one... nothing world changing. 
But it matters to me... and so I will write it down. 


About two weeks ago, I had a conversation with a friend that I didn't want to have. 
I have had feelings for this person for a long time now... feelings that I have suppressed and forgotten at points... but they've never ceased to be there.
Sadly, they don't necessarily feel the same... but we're good friends, and it shouldn't alter the friendship that we have, even though it may be hard for me at points. 
Because this person doesn't feel the same, I had to express that getting over those feelings was going to take more of a team effort than simply me forgetting the existence of those feelings. 
This seemed be a joint agreement. 
No verbalizing of how either of us feel... and no speaking of certain subjects. 


Today, out of jest, a rhyme was sent to me from him. 
I laughed as I read through his funny thoughts on what my very own theme song should be like.... causing my roommate to look at me like I was mentally ill. 
Then, the rhyme turned serious.... and I stuffed the phone that held it in my pocket. 
There was verbalization. 


Now, of course I want to hear things like that from him... 
but, why go there if he doesn't feel as I do? 


The marble sized curveball hit me hard on my forehead.
Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight... or maybe I'll lie awake with a throbbing memory. 


I have a feeling it will be the latter.