Ciao amici,
I sat at the red light staring blankly probably only three feet in front of me.
Safe, I know... brilliantly safe.
The radio was silent as my poor, beater car coughed and sputtered, trying to stay alive through the remainder of the light's cycle.
The red light could have stayed red for an eternity... and I quite possibly wouldn't have taken notice.
My thoughts engulfed my entire being... and I barely noticed my old man car grumbling at the fact he would momentarily have to try to pick up momentum again once the light flashed the signal for the races to begin.
But the light turned green, the races began, and I was off like a shot... leaving my troubled thoughts at the signal line at Rosecrans and Biola Avenue.
The thoughts floated back as I sat in a theatre filled with ridiculous junior high girls and even more ridiculous high school girls, and past pathetic college girls... all swooning at the male cast of a certain new cinema production that has been long awaited by the youthful feminine world.
There are "teams" in this craze.... which is something to laugh at in itself.
But I'm going to be absurdly honest with you and say that I myself relate far too much with one of these "teams"... and as I sat and watched the best friend's heart break on the silver screen, I felt a similar twinge of pain behind my rib cage.
Being THE "best friend" sucks.
I've written about that far too many times for me to get into it once again here... but I've stumbled (in every sense of the word) upon the conclusion that there are no true and intimate best friend guy-girl relationships that don't grow feelings of romance in one or more of the participating party.
I don't care what you tell me, its just not a safe possibility.
I think you can have close friendships... just not those close, one on one, you confide in me and I'll confide in you and all will be fine and dandy in the world friendships with someone of the opposite gender.
It mostly always results in the heartbreaker driving away leaving the heartbroken behind in the cloud of CO2, wondering if they were simply someone different if things would be different.
As I talked with the person I confide in the most, I let the words fall out of my mouth as I shared with her my newest prayer... as I've realized my mid-summer night's dreamlike nightmare was childishly foolish and hopelessly destructive.
I've been told to pray for specifics... though, at times, I feel like praying for specifics is unacceptable.... a conclusion that I am quickly growing to learn is a stupid one.
What if just this once, I showed up in God's throne room boldly and began expressing what it is my heart is crying out for?
What if just this once, I begin to pray every day for a new turn of events that is unlike anything I have ever experienced?
What if just this once, I trust that there is a transformed frog waiting to meet me instead of running around kissing the same ones I have thinking they might change?
What if I pray to be the best friend that is really the best friend and is cherished as the best friend and is loved as his princess?
I've seen far too many happy endings to settle for mediocre.... nor will I ever again let myself think that I am settling for slightly higher than mediocrity.
The stars are calling out my name.
Their pretty voices sing out for my finger tips as I stand on my tippy toes to try and reach them.
I regret... I've learned... and I'll forget.
It's time to grow up and meet better.
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