Embrace and hold

Dear friend,

She glowed as she floated down the isle.

Her long, white dress flowed gracefully about her as she held his gaze.

She smiled excitedly, as each step she grew closer to becoming something new.

And taking his hand, she said "I do."

I sat watching... tears in my eyes as the sight I beheld was one of the most beautiful I have seen in my lifetime.

Yet, some of those tears sat in my eyes as I wished and hoped and wanted that which has not been given to me.

I am young.

Many say 19 is too young to be thinking about marrying someone... though often times I disagree.

Marriage does not gradually cease being hard as I advance in years.

Since I was little, getting married young was something I wanted....

And up until now, its been something that I've eagerly hoped for.

But "now" is transforming into something different.

Long standing hopes are the hardest to give up, because its those hopes that are engraved in your soul.

They are rooted and at home in your heart, happy and content to wait until they come to fruition.

Yet I'm finding as I learn to run instead of crawl in my faith, those hopes are being tied down to an altar that is going to be set ablaze.

I find myself in conversations with God where He whispers softly "What if that isn't what I have for you?"

And what if it isn't? What am I going to do with that hope?

Do I hold onto it for dear life and say "NO! I dearly want this! Can't You, of all people, see that?!"

Or do I raise the knife to slay the desire of my heart?

I think you might already know the answer.

My Father knows how badly I want that... and He knows that He has created me in such a way that I love loving someone.

I love it when I feel down about being alone in a coupled world that He speaks words of compassion saying, "Darling, fix your eyes only on Me. Let me dance with you now."

He's holding my hand and the matchbook as we stare at the struggling hope as it dies on the altar of my heart.

Do I still want to have someone love me soon?

Absolutely!

I just think its high time to embrace singularity and hold His gaze.